Everyday it takes courage to live life to the fullest, in all its aspects, the good, the bad, the ups and downs, from joy to pain and back again.
At some point, we all experience pain, betrayals, regrets, disappointment and worse…leading to a whole bevy of negative emotions like anger, hatred, resentment, bitterness, despair, sadness, grief. We all have wounds, caused by small slights or tragic events. Holding on to grudges, grievances and old hurts can create chronic stress in your body and mind and significantly impact your wellbeing. Carrying it around with you will simply weigh you down until you find a way to heal.
Forgiveness is a powerful way to transform these destructive emotions and to heal the pain. It’s more than just letting go, forgiveness requires a radical shift in perspective. True forgiveness requires you to see and understand things from another person’s point of view, to shift from angry emotions to something more neutral or even positive, to shift your mindset from being victim to empowered person capable of compassion. And perhaps the most radical shift is to see the painful experience as an opportunity for personal transformation, and even to be grateful for the opportunity.
Forgiveness takes courage and strength. I don’t think it means forgetting. And you may not be able to forgive everything. But maybe you can forgive and release at least a part of the hurt and resentment so that you can heal yourself and make space for more peace and joy.
There’s a traditional Hawaiian practice that has gained in popularity far beyond the beautiful Hawaiian islands. I first discovered it during a weekend long retreat where the theme was forgiveness. We did many different practices to cultivate forgiveness, and the Hawaiian practice stayed with me, it felt simple yet complete. And it pops up in my life from time to time, probably right when I need it. I’d like to share it as a practice to help you to shift your mindset and move towards forgiveness and healing.
It’s called Ho’oponopono, which means “to make right” in the Hawaiian language. Ho’oponopono is a healing practice for forgiveness and reconciliation. To do it, you repeat a series of phrases over and over to yourself (silently or aloud). Saying the words over and over helps to cleanse your mind of haunting memories and trapped negative emotions such as anger, hatred, bitterness, guilt, shame, etc.. It helps to restore balance and harmony to your life and relationships. So that you can find the inner peace you crave.
Simply repeat these 4 phrases over and over, either out loud or silently to yourself, as feels best (and it might feel calming to place your hands over your heart centre while you do):
The thing about these words is that you are directing them towards yourself, not towards your offender. It’s like you go into your inner self to apologize to yourself and ask yourself for forgiveness, so that you can then forgive the other. It shows us that healing, even from traumatic events, comes from within, it carries the idea that we are responsible for our own healing.
Sometimes the person you need to forgive is yourself. And this practice is perfect for restoring self-estime and self-love.
Make Ho’oponopono your daily meditation, applying it to a specific situation or person you’d like to forgive. Or use it any time you face a particularly challenging situation and need to restore your balance and peace of mind.
“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.” - Nelson Mandala
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