What is compassion...and why it matters?

I’ve been wanting to write about compassion for a long time. It has taken me a while, turning it over in my mind, to figure out how to approach this critically important topic in a way that feels relevant to our practices and truly helpful in everyday life.

And then I decided…the time is right, now. For two reasons.

Compassion is timeless and deeply relevant today. For thousands of years, it has been recognized as a foundation for a meaningful and fulfilling life. It is woven into the heart of all the world’s spiritual traditions. And yet, despite living in an age of unprecedented connection, our world feels increasingly divided, polarized, fragmented, and fragile. We witness incomprehensible wars, widespread economic suffering, deep and worrying political unrest, all of which reveal a profound disconnection from our shared humanity. In this climate, compassion is not a luxury or an ideal; it is an urgent necessity, a force that can soften division, restore understanding, and remind us that beneath our differences, we are all the same, we are all one. 

Compassion is universal, but it starts with each of us. It is an active choice.

From a personal perspective, I’m currently struggling to find compassion in a certain situation in my life. I’ve got “compassion fatigue”, like a kind of emotional burnout. Where I used to feel understanding and caring, I now find myself getting irritated and impatient, turning off and turning away when I would rather be open‑hearted and kind. And this is not helpful for either of us. I’ve been aware of these reactions over the past few weeks and realize I need new tools to rebuild my compassion so that I can respond with more patience and kindness.

I’ve noticed that compassion can have dips and hills. We may have more compassion in some situations and less in others. It can rise and fall due to stress, over‑exposure to suffering, and the dynamics of our relationships. But it seems to me compassion should be more like a calm prairie—steady and even in all situations. I’ve also come to see that while we may be born with some instinct for compassion, it is mostly a skill that can be developed. And practice is crucial.

For these reasons, I’ve decided to work on a compassion project for the next two months— two months to concentrate on cultivating compassion, first compassion for others and then self-compassion which is the very root of universal compassion.

So I’m setting out on this small journey, and I invite you to come along as I explore tools and ideas to help me cultivate greater compassion, and recover from my compassion fatigue. If you don’t feel like you need more compassion, then you can simply ignore me for the next two months (just kidding…I hope you won’t!). It may be that your heart is already deeply compassionate, steady and kind. And yet, I have a feeling that all of us—no matter how open-hearted—still have room to soften, just a little more, into compassion.

Let’s start with understanding exactly what compassion is.

Compassion is the deep awareness of the suffering of others (or of oneself) coupled with a genuine desire to alleviate that suffering. It goes beyond feeling sorry (pity) and understanding (empathy).  It involves noticing that someone is a suffering and then being moved to do something, even something small, to lessen their suffering.  That could mean a kind word, a practical action or simply staying fully present for them.  You could say that compassion is empathy in action.

I think it takes courage to awaken and offer compassion, because it requires us to step towards the suffering of others (and also our own), to feel it rather moving away and disconnecting from it.  It requires us to let go of our judgements and to open our hearts to all others, despite our differences. Compassion requires both strength and vulnerability.  It is both a human quality we can cultivate and a skill we can learn and practice.

The Dalai Lama is one of the world’s greatest teachers of compassion and I like the way he explains it.  He says that love and compassion are the foundations of human survival, a necessity for lasting happiness, and a vital tool for mental peace. He teaches that compassion is not just a spiritual practice but a universal, trainable “warm‑heartedness”. There are so many personal and collective benefits to compassion — he tells us that compassion is the ultimate source of happiness, inner peace and calm, inner strength and confidence.  It can be healing for ourselves and for others as cultivating compassion helps create deeper, more harmonious connections with family, friends and community.  On a more universal scale, compassion fosters a sense of unity and an understanding of our connected humanity — and we can hope that this will help reduce conflicts, prevent violence and foster global peace. 

To cultivate compassion, I find it helpful to understand it as having three steps: 

1. Noticing—seeing pain and suffering clearly, without turning away;
   
2. Feeling—letting my heart connect with their difficulty, instead of numbing out or distancing myself;
   
3. Acting—meeting that suffering with a kind, skillful presence, in whatever way feels true and possible in the moment.

So as we begin our compassion journey, start by doing a little compassion audit on yourself, with radical honesty.  It requires the awareness and presence that mindfulness practices help you to build. Over the coming weeks, observe how you react to others, and especially how you notice and respond to their difficulties. Ask yourself questions such as:

• Am I able to notice this person’s suffering without shutting down?
  
• Do I feel emotionally numb, overwhelmed, or feel like “I can’t deal with this”?
  
• Am I responding with patience, or am I becoming irritated and reactive?
  
• Am I judging, blaming, or minimizing what is happening?
  
• Is my compassion more available for some people than others, and why?
  
• Am I treating this person with the same kindness I would offer a friend?

If you notice that you are reacting with less compassion than you wish, this is the first step.  Then we can work on it.

Now, let’s start our two-month journey to cultivate compassion with a small ritual.  This week, as you roll out your yoga mat or settle on your meditation cushion, I invite you to light a candle, take 5 nourishing, calming breaths, inhaling and exhaling, as you focus on the beautiful, warming flame.  And set this intention:  Let me see clearly. Let me feel steadily. Let me respond kindly.

And starting next week I will offer you some heart-softening practices, tools and tips to help us cultivate compassion - in June for others and in July for ourselves.

Imagine what the world would be if each of us developed just a little bit more compassion in our hearts for those who are suffering, a little more patience, understanding and love.

 

A book to inspire you: The Dalai Lama’s Book of Love & Compassion, huge and important wisdom about what is most important in life packed into a tiny book.  And any book or teaching from this great spiritual master.  I’m currently listening to The Book of Joy, conversations between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu.